In my last post I wrote about triggers for relapse and the importance of having a relapse prevention plan, if you’re trying to establish and maintain a clean-and-sober lifestyle. The relapse prevention curriculum I developed in at the University Hospital of the West Indies in Jamaica included modules on stress management, anger management, and rational thinking – all topics I’ve covered in previous posts. In this post I’ll be writing about other aspects of recovery from addiction.
I’ve met people with serious substance abuse problems who were too proud to admit that they needed help in their recovery. (“I’m man enough to do it on my own!”) I’ve also known drug abusers who couldn’t imagine talking to other people – especially strangers – about addiction-related things they’d done and were ashamed of. But I’ve never met a recovering addict who got and stayed clean-and-sober without help from others, either in the form of professional help, or peer support groups such as AA. The road to recovery isn’t a road to walk alone.
Although I never saw him staggering drunk, my own father was an alcoholic. A military man who prided himself on his self-control, he once went for a year without drinking, to “prove” his ability to control his drinking. He went for exactly 365 days without a drink, but he hated every day of his self-imposed sobriety. It’s a condition known in the recovery community as “dry drunk.” As planned, on Day 366 he resumed drinking, moderately at first. But within weeks he was back to hiding bottles and drinking at the level he’d been drinking before his year of “white knuckle” sobriety.
There are individuals, I’m told, who’ve regained control of their excessive drinking and become moderate “social drinkers” – but I’ve never met one. “Someday I’ll be able to drink again” is a dangerous thought for people in recovery. Addicts are notorious for irrational thinking and self-deception. Many a relapse starts with thoughts like “I’ll allow myself one beer on my birthday” or “I can still shoot pool with my drinking buddies at the bar, and just drink sodas.” One of the arguments for attending Twelve Step meetings is that in time you’ll come to recognize your own rationalizations, by listening to other addicts who’ve come to recognize their own bullshit. Twelve Step meetings are all about getting real with other addicts who they know won’t judge them, because they’ve been there, done that, themselves.
Some friends and family of addicts don’t want to support their recovery, for a variety of reasons. Other well-meaning people who care about an addicted friend of family member become enablers. With the best of intentions, they try to shield their friends or loved ones from the natural consequences of their addictions. They think they’re being helpful, but they’re simply enabling the person to continue drinking or using. In order to truly help, enablers need to learn to practice tough love – to stop attempting to rescue the person, and to let them suffer the natural consequences of their substance abuse. A mother practicing tough love won’t bail her son out of jail, because she knows from experience that if she does, he’ll be shooting up again within hours of his release.
Most recovering addicts come to the realization at some point in their recovery that they not only have to stop their drug-of-choice, but all intoxicating substances. I’ve known a number of crack and opioid addicts who initially believed that they could substitute alcohol and/or cannabis for their drug-of-choice, only to find that it was just a bridge back to their preferred drug. Cravings are one of the most common triggers for relapse, and getting high or intoxicated doesn’t improve anyone’s judgment or ability to resist cravings.
In my last post I mentioned euphoric recall (addicts dwelling on memories of the good times they’d had drinking and drugging, before getting addicted) as a trigger. This is one form of rumination, but addicts can also ruminate about how much they’d like to get high right now. This kind of thinking activates cravings that lead to relapses.
I’ve had some personal experience with this, as a recovering nicotine addict. What I found was that when I ruminated on how good it would feel to light up a cigarette, I relapsed time and again. Eventually I was able to identify my ruminations as a predictable relapse trigger, and to stop dwelling on thoughts about how I’d like to have a smoke. I still have occasional situation-specific cravings for tobacco, but I no longer feed the initial thought with more thoughts, and the cravings only last for a few seconds. After years of being nicotine-free, the long-term rewards of being a non-smoker outweigh any momentary cravings I might have to light up again.